and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
