I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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