I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
