Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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