It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
