I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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