woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
