Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
