I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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