Your face is a jimmy john
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
