i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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