I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
