it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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