lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
