a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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