omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
