Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
