It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
