Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
