If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
