Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
