Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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