i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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