does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
