I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
