Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
