hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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