I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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