Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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