I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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