I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
