Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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