Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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