kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
