I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
