break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
