wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
