I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
