Do vagina's smell?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
