True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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