Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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