Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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