omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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