I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
