then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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