true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
