Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
