I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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