There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
