okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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