And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
