also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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