Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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