You're my little dorito
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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