I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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