Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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